Monday, January 3, 2011

Drum Beat

Drum Beat

By Raederle Phoenix

2006: Senior Year

The beat of the drum
Is the beat in my soul
Is the beat that my feet
Have learned to step to

The beat of my heart
Is the beat in my soul
Is the beat that my feet
Have learned to move to

The beat of the drum
Is the beat in my heart
Is the beat of my feet
As I dance around the fire

The beat of the drum
Is the beat of the fire
Is the beat of my feet
As I dance, and I sire.


by Raederle Phoenix
2006: Senior Year

Raindrops are doomed to fall,
On hot spots where I can call,
A new genesis on the prowl,
To stop and hold still, just stall.

Just like all the wanders of the past,
Who withered, and didn't last,
Who felt small in the long shadows cast;
The masters of the beautiful, the stained glass.

And even though it's very late,
You can still set a new date,
For this new generation's fate,
We're all here just to wait.

And we're waiting in this rain,
And we're feeling all this pain,
Ignored, forming a new stain,
That is doomed to forever remain.

I'm in this teen denomination,
soon to be the working generation.
Starved of the real truth from creation,
by the mass appeal of the nation.

Youths taking E and Blow for elation,
getting these kids on probation,
such a sorry situation,
the illiteracy of this generation.

Even though this is modern democracy,
We all call this blatant hypocrisy,
And they all think it's their legacy,
Their right to a subjective dynasty.

We know the truth, all the lies,
We spread the truth in our cries,
All this deceit, it needs to die,
We need government in which we can rely.

And so there are those who speak out,
And then there are others in doubt,
But it's time to get up and shout,
Oil, money, and greed is not what life is a about!

So grow your own food,
Toss this paper money, crude,
Be nice, don't be rude,
Recycle and keep a good mood.

Because this is for the poor,
Who deserve so much more.
Because this is for the gay,
Who aren't at fault for being that way.

Because this is for the Jews,
Who were taken from their houses,
Locked up and killed like mouses,
Who were stripped of their rights,
And killed if they were to fight.

So it's time to stand up for what's right,
It's time to stand up and fight,
With every single ounce of might;
Before they lock us up 'n' shut off the lights.

By Raederle Phoenix

I Want

I want; I need:
You give; You Have.

By Raederle Phoenix
[Before I Met My Husband]

I need the essential sensuality,
I want the perfect personality.
I'll show you my hospitality,
If you'll treat me gentlemanly.

I'll give you love as your reward,
So don't come looking for awards.
My home isn't your personal ward,
Bring your sanity if you can afford

To buy me flowers and dinner,
For a true sign take this as a glimmer
Of hope, don't fret about being a sinner,
If you want to be the real winner;

Take me to the real girl parks,
Roller coasters and vicious snarks,
Hide behind the bushes for a quick lark,
with all your affection, sure to hit the mark.

I don't want gucci or gabbana,
You see what I really wanna
Have is your time, perhaps in a sauna.
Give me real food and a Honda.

Give me your essential sensuality,
Show me your perfect personality,
I'll give you all my honesty, my loyalty,
My love, kisses and all of my vitality.

Because I'm an old fashioned girl,
I want to clean and cook swirls.
I'll wear my hair straight or in curls,
Whatever you dare, that's how it unfurls.

I'm not in this for gluttony,
I want to be inside your discovery,
Of a girl unafraid of fantasy,
For your love you get ecstasy.

I'm looking for some inspiration,
Hard work and perspiration,
Be my muse for my creations,
The cause of all my elation.

Have no fear of betrayal,
Things won't ever get stale,
As long as we're learning together,
There's no reason for this to ever fail.

By Raederle Phoenix
[Before I Met My Husband]

Nothing but Names

Nothing but Names

By Raederle Phoenix


I am your lover, your slave.

I’m a typical woman to my grave.

I’m a bitch and a brat,

I’m as slick as a cat.

I’m pretty and plain, not fat.

I’m a trickster, not to be trusted.

You say a lot, until my heart is busted.

Held up so high, burned down and defy;

On praise and joy, yet another ploy.

I’m a lover, a slave, a liar to the grave.

I’m a bitch, a brat, a player, a cat.

I’m stupid, retarded, demented, twisted.

I’m the girl next door, nevermore.

Plain as the rain, easily slain.

You like me like this, you like me in pain.

I have everything to lose, everything to gain.

Go ahead, call me one more name.

I’m a lover, a slave, a bitch to the grave.

I’m a brat, a trickster, a woman, and I crave.

I’m stupid, twisted, demented, retarded.

I’m dirty. I’m crazy. I’m flirty. I’m lazy.

I’m a typical, lying bitch; words hazy.

A snake, a sliver, totally untrustworthy.

I’m alone picking a daisy.

He loves me, he love me not.

He loves me... Fuck – He loves me not.

I’m a girl, a babe, a sweety, a shorty.

I’m a brat, I’m a bitch, it’s all the same.

How come I’m nothing despite all my names?

By Raederle Phoenix West


Forest Community

Forest Community
By Raederle Phoenix

I want to rise at eleven,
in an elegant cottage in a wood,
and kickback by seven,
in a place too warm to worry about a hood.

I want to live in a real community,
where everyone is listening,
built around the trees and into small clearings,
where I'd lounge in the breeze never fearing.

I want to live in loving situations,
no smelly gas stations,
no crime situations, drugged sensations,
evil temptations, meaningless salutations,
racial degradations, and one night relations.

Yes, I want to live where it's sunny,
and where no one laughs when it's not funny.
I want to live where I can stop feeling crummy,
a place that doesn't rely on paper money.

I want to live in a cream organic village,
where no one would dream of theft or pillage;
I want to live where everyone stops to smile,
with hot springs, berry plots, and crocodiles.

I want to live where there are horses without flees,
where everyone has dreams and dirty knees,
where nobody needs keys, or master degrees,
where no one ever forgets to say "please."

I want to live without fear of demise,
I want to live where no one ever cries,
and instead of all of these depressing funerals,
we'll have grand parties when someone dies.

I want to live where I can hold my head high,
where everyone is gullible, because no one ever lies.

If everything were left to my whim,
I'd take down everything that is grim,
and replace it with something beautiful,
and cover the whole world with a flowered trim.

I want to live,
in a quiet little town,
where all can give,
with no mechanical sounds.

Let's live off the land.
Let's live where love is all that's grand.
Let's live where gold is like sand,
with none of society's bold demands.

Let's live without oil, trouble and toil.
Let's live without greed, toxins and addiction needs.
Let's live without politics, bloods and crypts.

Let's move somewhere far away,
Let's run to where I'd never say,
"I wish it could move somewhere sunny…
Somewhere where my nose was never runny."

By Raederle Phoenix
April 2006 – January 2011

Teenage Bull

Teenage Bull
by Raederle Phoenix

Bast has thrown a festival for my piety,

Seth has given me strength for the society,

Venus has brought my love out to pour,

Mars has enlisted me into a holy war!

Whirling, twirling, swirling, I'm dizzy and I'm curling,

into a ball, because I'm afraid to fall,

and I'm beginning to crawl,

I can't walk anymore,

I can't talk like before,

I'm changing, and I'm blaming,

you for me never being the same,

and I'm folding this paper into a crane,

the way you move your neck,

to see what I'm about to peck.

this berry, so sweet and red,

I'm twisting, turning, into a new fight,

Fisting, burning, into a new realm of sight,

Mist, learning, blurry and hazy,

Have I always been so lazy?

Have I always been so crazy?

I don't remember being a member

of this December weather.

I don't know how I always missed the flow,

and was looked on as a white crow.

I'm inside out, no longer any time to pout.

This is no time to flout.

But let me tell you what this is about...

I've made so many mistakes,

bigger than all of the great lakes,

and I'm telling you for goodness sake,

I have finally come to this great wake.

You know what you have seen,

such a blundering silly teen,

but no more of this sippy-cup,

it's time for me to finally grow up.


Raederle Phoenix

Rising From Ashes

Rising From Ashes
by Raederle Phoenix

I know this is really late,
and undoubtedly overdue;
But I finally feel that fate
brought me to do
Something I would hate
just the way I’m supposed to.

And at first I wasn’t certain,
wasn’t sure if it was right
to close the tattered curtain.
Yet in this new line of sight
I have a new perspective,
and the spirits calmed my plight.

I didn’t know if I was ready,
or if I had moved on,
But now that my heart is steady,
I know it’s not a con.
This weight has been heavy
on my heart, but anon:

Hearing the echo of the past,
in contrast to you song,
I’m glad what didn’t last
was making room for us all along.
My heart is beating so fast,
because I know what’s been wrong.

I wasn’t so sure that I had made
the right decision,
With you I was so afraid
that it was short lived collision
Just to make the pain fade,
to repeat my past transitions.

Now I’m so happy I know
that it wasn’t all in vein.
I was conditioned to the snow,
the ice, the callous game,
And you’ve set me free and so
I can be free of this pain.

At times I’ve been unsure,
and doubted my own reasons,
But I have adjusted; I prefer
the rhythm of your seasons,
You’ve got the stir
that I need to forgive my own treasons.

I sighed in contentment today
as I realized that you’re mine,
I bowed my head down to pray,
for you to be the one I dine
After I walk down the isle one day.
That would be more than okay.

Can't Relate

Can't Relate

by Raederle Phoenix

2005: Junior Year

You probably can't relate,
You probably think I'm outspoken,
You'll probably be late,
You'll probably leave me broken.
It's not okay. I'm not well.
I'm alone and miserable.
And you can't even tell.

I know you can't relate,
I know you think I'm outspoken,
You are always late,
You always leave me broken.
It's never okay and never well.
I'm alone and I'm so miserable.
Can't you tell?

You don't relate.
You've left me broken.
You're too late.
I've already spoken.
I'm okay, I'm well.
You're alone, you're miserable.
Revenge was inevitable,
Couldn't you tell?


by Raederle Phoenix

One-hundred-percent dread,
Drumming to the beat of the dead,
Humming to this emotion fed,
Crumbs, the feeling in your bed,
Fluff the pillow, lay your head;

Down and feel the anticipation;
Foreboding and lack of concentration,
Holding onto a glass of fermentation,
Just to continue the path of procrastination,
Folding into a pattern of degradation.

I'm sauntering on a path of bleak mud,
I'm walking down a trail with a weak thud,
I can feel myself sinking deeper into this crud.
I'm moving around a stale expectation of;
Grooving to a silent sickly music that curdles my blood.

~Raederle Phoenix

Hood Relations

Hood Relations
by Raederle Phoenix
2005: Junior Year

Note: This poem is written in this style for effect, and is designed to capture an essence of life that many of the girls I grew up around were living. Admittedly, I was there too, which is why I was able to write this the way it is written. I was there, and I felt it.

wasting my time, on a dick boo;
he's sellin' those great dimes, and nics too;
chewing on sweet lime, and licking the dew;
hearing through the grape-vine, about weed in-a bic, true.

he don't know how it hurts inside, when it all falls through;
he don't even confide, in his crew;
he don't ever lie, but he's never all true;
he'll make you cry, and make it better too.

he makes it so I can't concentrate,
he makes it so I'm always in a debate,
he always making me wait,
on the only way I can sedate.

he want me to spit, and not read what I writ,
I want 'em to slip, and dig outta a crypt,
sayin' I'm not fit without the right knit,
he want me to shut up and sit.

he talks about big clips, and eating me up,
he lickin' my sweet 'lit, and eating it up.
he thinks he's all that, and a bag of chips,
he calls me hypocrite, while hugging my hips.

he makes it so I can't concentrate,
he makes it so I'm always in a debate,
he always coming home late,
but he's the only way I can sedate.

spending my time, on this trick,
he sellin' the great dime, and a nic,
eating this sour lime, for a lick,
he buying me sweet wine, and making me tick.

he don't know...
he don't know...
he don't know...

but if you look a little closer, you will see,
he's not a poser, and he loves me.

The Little Train That Couldn't

The Little Train That Couldn't
by Raederle Phoenix
2005: Junior Year

I write rants.
I hate ants.
I eat plants.
I can't, I can't, I can't...

I can't let you know what's on my mind.
I can't let you glow, that's my find.
I can't let... I can't...

I'm not the little train that could.
I'm the little train that would.
I'm the little train that should.

I'm the little girl who didn't.
I'm the whirl that pushes me down.
I'm the girl that fell to the ground.
I'm the one that left without a sound.

I'm not a square, I'm quite round.
I'm in this dare to be found.
You can't find me,
You can't relate to me...

You can't, you can't, you can't...
You're the little quirk that said it.
You're the little squirt that did this.
You're the cold one with an evil kiss.

I can't... I won't... You can't...
You can't leave me tonight.
I wont leave without a fight.
I can't make you see this right.

I think I should,
I think I would,
I think I can't,
I think I can't...

I know I can't.
I know I can't.
I know I can't,
but I think we could.

The End

The End
by Raederle Phoenix
2005: Junior Year

Immaturity and insecurity,
stuck with these obsessions
of all my possessions.
I'm constantly making these confessions.

that I'm taking it too far.
even of a passing car.

I feel like my thoughts really are on a train;
from crane to insane to in my grave I'm lain.

sorted and deranged,
I'm feeling morbid.

You see red, but I see black.
When you say what you say,
I hear lies.
It defies all these lies by bringing it all to end,
so I can rest,
nothing more to defend,
put down my crest,
and just let me rest.

Just when I think it's over,
that's when I lend out my hand,
and it begins all over again.


by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year

Flip-flops on
tip tops
running through raindrops
listening to hip hop
mirrored the insanity that just had to stop.

Watching this vanity,
scotch poured into the calamity,
just lost my sanity
two lines before the flip
between the top of the flop
I had to stop.

Because I'm wildly confused and mildly amused
by the help they've refused.

I'm dazed with fire,
and crazed down to wire.
This lack of intimacy,
this following discrepancy.
This spectacular vernacular that is applauded
and enjoyed is the same heart that's been destroyed.
An open void.

So let me hold my cold bed sheets,
and let me chew my old sweet treats,
and let me yell out, "this is not defeat."

This is a new start,
within my heart,
because I've come to find that sometimes love is blind,
and sometimes love is in the mind.

Let me hold onto this brown bear,
let me tell you the lie that I don't care.
Because I do care how it really wasn't fair,
but my indifference is what brought us there.

Maybe this is my payback.
Maybe I can take a day to slack.
Maybe this is our way to admit fact.
Because I'm standing on white sands I've never seen,
and swimming in water I never dreamed.

I'm still afraid,
maybe that's just the way I was made.
There will be more trampled mud to come,
there will be a shortage of sun,
and out come the storm clouds and mean crowds.

Turn on these dim lights,
fight some unless fights.
Fray the edges,
trim the hedges and
stumble over broken ledges.
Let me wedge my words into you,
and make you see what I see,
and take another sip of this bud tea.

This isn't really me.
This isn't really to be.
This chi is not for free.
Sit back and sigh,
hit slack and die.
Admit fact don't lie.
Shit mac and fries.


by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year

Emptiness where there once was perfection.
I had been the selection, turned the wrong direction
and at this election I was cast away.
Needless to say in this;
dark, stale, bleak, musty room.
Stark, pale, weak, dusty gloom.
I remember the red moon,
the dark beach,
holding you like a leach.

Walking through this void of emotion,
and this lack of devotion.
Throwing myself away,
I woke up to another dreary day.
It was all as if to say,
“hey, you try, you cry,
and you try again,
but no matter what,
you’re just falling in a rut.”
With that thought,
you’re wanna give up,
give in, dig in and dig out
and wail about,
and down comes my sail,
the boat sinks...

I’m at the edge of a cliff inside my mind,
I’m just walking around blind.
Then, inside the nullified insides there is a red spark as his lips touch mine,
and the blade is removed, and the emotions are reproved.
I no longer care,
because I’ve got something more than fair.

Persian Prince

Persian Prince
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year

White sands I've never seen,
Clear water I've never dreamed,
So clear and keen in my mind,
This sight could drive you blind.

Light shining like a sunset,
Night though it is you bet.
So sweet, so sour, so bright,
around this figure, what a sight.

If only you could see this,
Then all the war would cease.
This feeling, a perfect relief.
This is My Prince of Peace.

Beyond Reality

Beyond Reality
by Raederle Phoenix

standing before society,
watching the confusion,
observing the diffusion,
coming to crying-conclusions from your high-solutions,
and dying-delusions.
Here you sigh,
cause you don’t wanna here my,
anthem, my mottos,
stuck in the ghetto without the frow,
without the flow,
and you want me to go.

defy your wishes of sleeping,
let me spring something deep,
let it creep,
and crawl into you,
sprawl in your mind,
drawl into your kind.
You’ll find that I’m not as blind as your stereotypes prove.
Hearing, “dyke move,” n’ “you’re cool, but you ain’t got no groove.”

I’ll take the brunt of it, s'all full of it.
Rage rising,
and turn the page,
and at this stage fire pours out of a hole in time,
and gap that is mine,
a void,
a sign.
Sign of change,
out of this derange will come a salvation for the repressed thoughts fighting to be expressed.
It’s a mess out there,
but under the hair,
the skull,
inside the mind,
you can find,
something worth saying,
something worth praying for,
something more,
for humans as a whole to endure and come to adore.
Let the beauty of it soar,
because this is what I’m living for.

The flames from the void grow.
It has no vocabulary, it’s sedentary,
but it knows all the words,
and lives so lively in each being,
each organism living on these truisms that this thing is.
You can’t touch it,
you can’t understand it,
and yet you are it.
Lights and energies,
with no enemies,
no wars,
nothing before,
nothing after,
no time,
nothing to find,
this perfect communication,
is the worlds salvation.
It’s been here since before creation,
and it lives in divination,
with a huge deviation.

Misplaced, erased and defaced this common familiarity
and replaced it with sincerity
and intensity
of this discrepancy
that would be so easily avoided if you could see what I see,
and discuss over some bud tea.
No more one way conversations,
as comes true communication,
and substantial salutations.
This world of perfection is made of energies,
lights so bright,
something beyond mortal sight,
beyond this physical fights.
This is something really quite spectacular,
this is the universal vernacular.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

New Start

New Start
by Raederle Phoenix
Junior Year

I'm an optimist, and my glass is half full...

I'm a lover,
I'm a sucker,
and I've taken the time to bother,
and take you in like a mother,
and you left,
and it'll turn out for the best,
for me at least,
you dirty beast,
you're loss,
shut up,
see who's boss,
and ...
I just don't care,
how it wasn't really fair,
and I'm just don't care,
the way I see you lookin' from over there,
and I just wont stare,
not anymore,
nothing more for you to score,
because what was before,
is now dead.
It's all been said,
and I've been led to see a new light,
and I've found it quite bright,
and everything is right,
even though you're out of sight.
I wont put up a fight,
and I wont come back.
Hit the sack,
and swallow a fact,
lay back,
type on this mac,
and see that I have all that I need,
right here to feed,
and breed a new seed
to lead a new generation of heart broken teens,
and sparkin' up fiends,
and here I am,
not giving a damn.
I've passed my own exam,
and I've come to find,
that I'm not so blind,
and I'm not so kind,
but I've come to find,
I love my own mind.


A Poem by Raederle Phoenix
Written in 2004
Sophomore Year

Cold, pilled, bed sheets...
Old, stale, sweet treats...
Queer, blank, gray walls...
Hear my love calls...

Sold my heart away...
Saw you leave today...
Tears on my part...
Fears in your heart...

Told me; "let go."
I simply replied; "no."
Fears on shallow ice...
Here's my old life;

Laughter, love, lips, lust...
Lingering light; now dust...
Aching ashes, boiling blood...
Sauntering still, murky mud...

Lies in your eyes,
Sweat in my thighs,
All now broken ties,
My love never dies.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


A Poem by Raederle Phoenix
Written Sophomore Year

I am
dazed with rage and fire
confused like my,
adrenalin’s caged with my left foot in my grave,
the fire on my back-burner has been turned to blaze;
head spinning crazed for days,
my blood runs over burning holes in my cage,
forever and even slowly becoming an eternity...

And now eternity is my certainty to absolutely get the best of me,
as I stand here,
foul and anything but near,
I feel a single tear,
and the only thing I can hear
is my own voice cracking,
slacking and out of tune,
I feel myself backing,
stuck in this new place,
trapped and recapped,
slapped and snapped,
now corrected never quite perfected.
This thought is over dissected,
inaccurately selected,
suggested to just let these words fall directed
to this interjected lack of security and uncertainty.
Will it now get the best of me?

So I’m destroying the cage,
busting out of this maze,
a labyrinth I’ve been stuck in since my early days.
Until the fire in me dies out,
until the child in me cries out,
until I decide to turn the lights out.
I’ll stand here,
right here,
telling all of you my feelings,
to anyone so near,
that happens to hear,
anyone here willing to follow and give me their ears.

So now my only fear,
is left for you all to hear,
is that my words will disappear,
never heard,
thought absurd,
couldn’t be referred,
to the place I belong in,
the place I’m gonna drown in,
the place I will die in,
if only you would listen,
head me,
let me lead thee,
to my place,
with my face,
for your race,
I’ll lend you my grace just so that my rage can be let out of it’s cage
with fire ablaze,
and they’ll hear my rage,
no matter their age.

All so that my fear to disappear wont become reality to challenge me,
destroy me,
and all become too clear that my fear has come true,
right in front of you.
I will disappear and no one will hear.

Yes, in this mess,
a message to hear,
I’m disappearing.
Yes, in this mess,
a message to hear,
I’m disappearing.
Yes, in this mess,
a mess to hear,
I’m disappearing.
Yes, a mess,
a mess to hear,
I’m disappearing.
Yes, a mess,
I’m disappearing.
Yes, I’m
I’m disssssssssss . . .

~ Raederle Phoenix