Maybe

Maybe
by Raederle Phoenix
2005; Junior Year


Flip-flops on
tip tops
running through raindrops
listening to hip hop
mirrored the insanity that just had to stop.

Watching this vanity,
scotch poured into the calamity,
just lost my sanity
two lines before the flip
between the top of the flop
I had to stop.

Because I'm wildly confused and mildly amused
by the help they've refused.

I'm dazed with fire,
and crazed down to wire.
This lack of intimacy,
this following discrepancy.
This spectacular vernacular that is applauded
and enjoyed is the same heart that's been destroyed.
An open void.

So let me hold my cold bed sheets,
and let me chew my old sweet treats,
and let me yell out, "this is not defeat."

This is a new start,
within my heart,
because I've come to find that sometimes love is blind,
and sometimes love is in the mind.

Let me hold onto this brown bear,
let me tell you the lie that I don't care.
Because I do care how it really wasn't fair,
but my indifference is what brought us there.

Maybe this is my payback.
Maybe I can take a day to slack.
Maybe this is our way to admit fact.
Because I'm standing on white sands I've never seen,
and swimming in water I never dreamed.

I'm still afraid,
maybe that's just the way I was made.
There will be more trampled mud to come,
there will be a shortage of sun,
and out come the storm clouds and mean crowds.

Turn on these dim lights,
fight some unless fights.
Fray the edges,
trim the hedges and
stumble over broken ledges.
Let me wedge my words into you,
and make you see what I see,
and take another sip of this bud tea.

This isn't really me.
This isn't really to be.
This chi is not for free.
Sit back and sigh,
hit slack and die.
Admit fact don't lie.
Shit mac and fries.